Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Serenity at Jamnagar Road

Back to my place, there’s one lackluster tradition of visiting “ALL” ACQUAINTANCES, sharing awkward moments of silences, eating the typical, stereotypical food that all’s prepared and finally those offering-refusing ceremony of auspicious money.

Wake up early.
Waking up early which surely is a bump to the expectedly smooth year ahead. Waking up at 5 am sucks. Especially when you’ve slept at 3 am smoking a joint, celebrating the new year in its true, pious sense.

Now imagine a random-hate able family.
All members of family go hyper-paranoid and act as if this is the most critical day of the year. Like the forthcoming days are just the outcomes of acts, events and thoughts of this particular day. Younger breed take blessings of Older breed and all fit inside of the metal chassis of four wheeled automobile(which looks duller than usual) at 6am in the morning and roar off to traditional place to take blessings of God.  Like “He” cares !!!

And the Eternal Journey Of Boredom starts.
They just start visiting places of so-called-acquaintances. This group of acquaintances is having a really wide range. It includes elders, elders’ cousins, first/second/third/fourth/…/nth  cousins, colleagues, former colleagues, neighbors, former neighbors, where the family is welcomed neither because of their superiority nor because of over-whelming feelings the hosts have for their guests  (which they seldom have) nor coz they’ve not seen them in ages BUT solely because IT IS NEW F**KING YEAR. They come non-sense, they smell non-sense, they greet non-sense, they eat non-sense, they chat non-sense, they go non-sense [non-sense]*.

*Here, the word ’non-sense’ is used in a very general sense. You may decipher as per your new-year-perils.

Then… what then?
They knock the next door en route. Wait! The choosing of routes is pretty interesting. This family is like Sandy/Katrina. They take whatever comes to their way. They optimize their route so as to cover the maximum number of places possible. They don’t look their newly [Diwali bought and worn] watches or their welcome, but they just go there and rattle up the doors, irrespective of the time of their visit
[Note: you’re not allowed to take afternoon nap this day].
They save their petrol while choosing their route and waste energy over futile smiles, acts, chats and everything they do on that day. I am not referring them to as ‘non-productive’ folks but ‘ignorant’ folks for they have a saturated cloud of ignorance over their heads and brains which blocks the sunlight(vital for lobe-o-synthesis^).
^lobe-o-synthesis: Process involving synthesis of brain lobes which are responsible for gaining and maintaining knowledge of what-the-fudge-is-a-person-doing category of tasks.

What they talk. Blabber. I guess blabber would be apt.
They blabber non-sense. They blabber about the hosts’ children with fake smiles of pseudo-affection. They blabber about the host home. They blabber about heat and weather. They blabber about past. They blabber when they met last and wonder whether it has really been that amount of time? They blabber about their religiosity, generosity and other qualities I am unable to recall. I bring to light that are multi-tasking personalities. They blabber crap while they stuff their god-damn mouths with (food) crap.

The divine time. When heavens shower blessings on me.
They start blabbering about going and stuff. They blabber about how awfully they are tired and number of houses to be “covered” in your area and they need to return home by some stipulated amount of time. Mind you, they JUST BLABBER about going, they don’t go actually. They wait for you to insist them to spend some more time over your place. But when you don’t, they literally get disheartened and stand up. They initiate their non-sense motion towards your gate. This moment your mom says, “betha hot to thodee vaar !” out of courtesy. This particular set of words generate typical gesture, a typical look on their faces which is worth a million !

But wait! They slide their hands to their pockets
That facial movement while performing above mentioned act is incredible. They don’t feel like they should be giving money to the host’s younger breed. But they have to. Or? Or they would be talked in the community. At least they think so.  
So, anyhow, they take money out of their pockets (Amount is really out relevance here). The host’s younger breed refuse, not out of courtesy but out of sheer boredom which is created by their aw-f**king presence. They insist. They again refuse. They again insist. After few hundred cycles of insisting/refusing, they(host’s younger breed) accept the cash/gift out of the fact that if they don’t accept quickly, this family wont be gone. So, they accept and put it awkwardly nearby and again give a mile-long fake smile which is well responded.   

P.P:  There is a specific type of breed of visitors roaming around freely of which one should be aware of. This breed includes persons whom you don’t know at all! But they know you profusely and talk to you and about you profoundly. They stick to you and your family like Velcro. They try to instill their impression on you, sort of, they try to imprint you. I haven’t come to conclusion why they try to do so. Let me know if you find one.

May God thwart the wind carrying these culture-carrying-pollens!

Tune assist : Coldplay - Trouble, Spies
                   AnjunaBeats pres. Oceanlab : Miracle, On the Beach

Food assist : Shivshakti, Jamnagar Road, after Khanderi Stadium, Rajkot

Special Assist : Marijuana