Wednesday, January 22, 2014


Now hitting dehati fantasies

Demands are evil. They are viral, contagious. Demands can be rigid when they come from stubborn, bored minds. There’s been a new category of demands these days in bolly-market: the dehati fantasies. And movies like Boss, yaariyan, etc have been catering those demands.

I am fever stricken while I write this, just after watching the movie – Yaariyan.  I am not here to criticize the movie but to speak ill about it.  I’ll spoil the movie if you’re genuinely interested in it or you haven’t watched it and are planning to watch this over weekend OR if you’re a dehati. Yes, dehatis, beware of this arty, it’s a spoiler for y’all.

The  storyline of the movie is based on a concrete strong plot. There’s an Australian businessman taking over a PART of an Indian property which has a college campus. The businessman plans to build casinos over his part of the campus. But. The patriotic princi of the college puts forth an argument that building casinos near to the college, which was a place to study, will badly influence the students. To this, the wise businessman argues that Indian students are book worms. They will not be affected by this for they are not interested in sports and cultural activities. [????? Wtf]. This argument is the base of the plot and also it is perplexing enough for the Indian princi to say that it is not so. Just by this tiny little negation, the competitiveness of the businessman is turned on and throws a mighty challenge.

The challenge is intriguing and bold enough to build a movie on it. The challenge is, if the Indian students defeat the Australians in a cultural cum sports competition, they would grant a lease of 100 years to that college. The challenge includes a rock competition, a bike race, a chess match, a cycle race and a deadly rock climbing competition.

Enough about the story. Infact, this is all about it. Lets go to the core.

·        What astonished me was the set used for the movie. The college had dorm like hostels with arrays of beds. The bathrooms are well lit and decorated with soothing , luxurious blue light fittings. The plumb fittings are too dear to be in hostel basins.  The mirrors are well bolted. 

·        The Girls hostel is so girly, so pink, that you feel a gust of respect for the director/set designer from deep down your ass. Whatever the plot be like, one must not question the femininity of the hostel or its girls.

·        They add funk to boys, glamour to girls and humor to the movie in the most cinematic manner. It makes me wonder whether I lived a boring college life or I was just a no-boy to the things happening in my insti. 

·        Never ever forget that the tensile strength of a blouse is always, atleast equal to the weight of the person.

·        The library. They have racks of books. Unsupported. Unbolted.  Yes, just like that. To ice the cake, they also use ladders for the upper shelves. This aint funny, man.  This is retard. Not even close to farce. 

·        The highest geek level of the college, who is supposed to have a brain faster than a computer is ‘market mein naya intel ka chip aya hai, HIGH CONFIGURATION, SSD Hard drive, multiple core’. Cheers to that! 

·        And yeah, since the town has branded shops like olfactory, belmonte and was big enough to invest money for casino, the university's annual function had audience of around 80-100 people. Isn’t it conflicting your brains?

·        You get to land DIRECTLY to Australian beach when you fly to Australia. And the two oily geek chotis transform to stylized stepped cut hairstyle when you hit alcohol.

The princi, he’s an interesting character. The character is played by Gulshan Grover. [The God does show days, doesn’t he ?]. following qualities are noteworthy about the princi.
  • 1.     Patriotic.
His heart is sawed when he confronts the comment – Indian students are book worms, they are not interested in sports or cultural activities.
  • 2.     He is wise. Extremely.
He finds success chances from a girl who has a failed singer for a mother. Why ? coz, no one knows the bitterness of a failure than a kid who has a mother who failed at it. He finds a ray of hope from a biker. Why ? Coz the professors donot know what a bike can do and only that guy knows the function of a bike. He makes a guy the leader of their team. Why ? coz his father was a brigadier. Like leadership is transmitted genetically.

Dialogues _/\_.  You can FEEL if some on \e is eavesdropping your jamming session (mujhe laga ki koi hume sun rha hai) If that’s not brainless enough, that Canada girl’s dialogue when she was waiting for being kissed by the main guy at the back stage. (kaha gaye yeh log ?); like, she knows his friend was gonna behold them kissing. Let the logic flush down the toilet.

Extravagant story to fit to the plot. The driver of the bike doesnot remember the most crucial race direction. It also includes the symbolism in flashback remembrances of the dead bestie of main guy. The kites show Indian and Australian flags. Like the audience is vigilant enough to notice such down trodden symbolism. You go for rock climbing wearing track pants and full sleeve tees; not that you're ignorant. You already showed your knowledge and professionalism in cycle and bike races, rock competition. Why such unnecessarily pathetic, emotional winning stroke ?

And the last entertainer was
And the main thing is "The most difficult job on earth is to be a mother and one of the most toughest jobs in the world is to direct a film. And I was doing both
                                                                                                  … Divya khosla kr.

To divya,
You went full retard woman  
Never go full retard. 


Tuesday, December 31, 2013

The Art and Joy of Destruction

Creating things gives you a God-like power. And this power is intoxicating. It gives you the authority to destroy your creation; which in turn gives you an unmatched satisfaction, a joy of destruction and a pious feeling of being a demon thereafter.

I enjoy creating sand structures, Lego structures but the true essence of existence of those structures is only when you enjoy them destroying. You must be able kick with your most creative and funny way and it should collapse like those feeble card structures.  It gives you a high that no drug can or will offer. It’s the same feeling you get when you make your futile efforts to kick a crashing sea wave. Your conscious thing ignores the reason of your action but deep down your unconscious thing, you know the reason of its existence.

Similar feeling dwells in me with my lab experiments and projects. I use a great deal of mind assembling all those cords and meters. I perform the experiment to its full; still anyhow I feel that the sole purpose of experiment will remain untouched if I don’t disassemble those cords in my own crude, harsh but satiating way. They lose their ambition of being, every single time they are left as they were, in nodes and among meters. They feel snubbed. They feel their value is agitated among the brainlessness of the project synopsis.

The same feeling is emoted by a calm lake with lotsa pebbles and few kids on its shady shore when no kid disturbs it. Everything that’s meant to be disturbed that is not disturbed feel waves of ignorance and this haunts them. Badly. Pebbles too doubt the purpose of their macrocosm if you don’t toss them, spin them across valleys or lakes or rivers.
Equivalent gust of misfortune is touched by mount-vale structures when you don’t even try to obliterate its silence by echoing your voice. They are made for echoes apart from the flora it has to offers us.  All you get are reverbs from artificial halls or your bathrooms. You’re limiting the joy of getting yourself heard by not murdering the silence. Silence gives serenity, but destroying it might give you serendipity.

I wish I owned a JCB.

I wish I had earthmovers at my hand’s reach.

I wish I had lotsa tubelights to crash. I wish I had infy square meters of bubble wraps to pound upon.  I wish I had n numbers of phones to savor those peel offs.

Shake the dust off your curtains to behold the beautiful Tyndall effect and stop blaming Osama.

Book of the mo : Wisdom of Psychopaths - Kevin Dutton
Tune of the mo : Raabta, Converting Vegeterians
Pathos of the mo : Metanoia

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Serenity at Jamnagar Road

Back to my place, there’s one lackluster tradition of visiting “ALL” ACQUAINTANCES, sharing awkward moments of silences, eating the typical, stereotypical food that all’s prepared and finally those offering-refusing ceremony of auspicious money.

Wake up early.
Waking up early which surely is a bump to the expectedly smooth year ahead. Waking up at 5 am sucks. Especially when you’ve slept at 3 am smoking a joint, celebrating the new year in its true, pious sense.

Now imagine a random-hate able family.
All members of family go hyper-paranoid and act as if this is the most critical day of the year. Like the forthcoming days are just the outcomes of acts, events and thoughts of this particular day. Younger breed take blessings of Older breed and all fit inside of the metal chassis of four wheeled automobile(which looks duller than usual) at 6am in the morning and roar off to traditional place to take blessings of God.  Like “He” cares !!!

And the Eternal Journey Of Boredom starts.
They just start visiting places of so-called-acquaintances. This group of acquaintances is having a really wide range. It includes elders, elders’ cousins, first/second/third/fourth/…/nth  cousins, colleagues, former colleagues, neighbors, former neighbors, where the family is welcomed neither because of their superiority nor because of over-whelming feelings the hosts have for their guests  (which they seldom have) nor coz they’ve not seen them in ages BUT solely because IT IS NEW F**KING YEAR. They come non-sense, they smell non-sense, they greet non-sense, they eat non-sense, they chat non-sense, they go non-sense [non-sense]*.

*Here, the word ’non-sense’ is used in a very general sense. You may decipher as per your new-year-perils.

Then… what then?
They knock the next door en route. Wait! The choosing of routes is pretty interesting. This family is like Sandy/Katrina. They take whatever comes to their way. They optimize their route so as to cover the maximum number of places possible. They don’t look their newly [Diwali bought and worn] watches or their welcome, but they just go there and rattle up the doors, irrespective of the time of their visit
[Note: you’re not allowed to take afternoon nap this day].
They save their petrol while choosing their route and waste energy over futile smiles, acts, chats and everything they do on that day. I am not referring them to as ‘non-productive’ folks but ‘ignorant’ folks for they have a saturated cloud of ignorance over their heads and brains which blocks the sunlight(vital for lobe-o-synthesis^).
^lobe-o-synthesis: Process involving synthesis of brain lobes which are responsible for gaining and maintaining knowledge of what-the-fudge-is-a-person-doing category of tasks.

What they talk. Blabber. I guess blabber would be apt.
They blabber non-sense. They blabber about the hosts’ children with fake smiles of pseudo-affection. They blabber about the host home. They blabber about heat and weather. They blabber about past. They blabber when they met last and wonder whether it has really been that amount of time? They blabber about their religiosity, generosity and other qualities I am unable to recall. I bring to light that are multi-tasking personalities. They blabber crap while they stuff their god-damn mouths with (food) crap.

The divine time. When heavens shower blessings on me.
They start blabbering about going and stuff. They blabber about how awfully they are tired and number of houses to be “covered” in your area and they need to return home by some stipulated amount of time. Mind you, they JUST BLABBER about going, they don’t go actually. They wait for you to insist them to spend some more time over your place. But when you don’t, they literally get disheartened and stand up. They initiate their non-sense motion towards your gate. This moment your mom says, “betha hot to thodee vaar !” out of courtesy. This particular set of words generate typical gesture, a typical look on their faces which is worth a million !

But wait! They slide their hands to their pockets
That facial movement while performing above mentioned act is incredible. They don’t feel like they should be giving money to the host’s younger breed. But they have to. Or? Or they would be talked in the community. At least they think so.  
So, anyhow, they take money out of their pockets (Amount is really out relevance here). The host’s younger breed refuse, not out of courtesy but out of sheer boredom which is created by their aw-f**king presence. They insist. They again refuse. They again insist. After few hundred cycles of insisting/refusing, they(host’s younger breed) accept the cash/gift out of the fact that if they don’t accept quickly, this family wont be gone. So, they accept and put it awkwardly nearby and again give a mile-long fake smile which is well responded.   

P.P:  There is a specific type of breed of visitors roaming around freely of which one should be aware of. This breed includes persons whom you don’t know at all! But they know you profusely and talk to you and about you profoundly. They stick to you and your family like Velcro. They try to instill their impression on you, sort of, they try to imprint you. I haven’t come to conclusion why they try to do so. Let me know if you find one.

May God thwart the wind carrying these culture-carrying-pollens!

Tune assist : Coldplay - Trouble, Spies
                   AnjunaBeats pres. Oceanlab : Miracle, On the Beach

Food assist : Shivshakti, Jamnagar Road, after Khanderi Stadium, Rajkot

Special Assist : Marijuana